Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
