Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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