its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
