Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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