Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh god it's open bar.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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