Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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