i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
