how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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