I just saw a hot homeless man
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
