There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
