Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
