Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
