She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
