We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
