I have demons in me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
