$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
