I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I take back everything I said about communal showers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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