I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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