just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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