I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
