You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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