I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
