I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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