Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
