I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
