Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
