all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
