I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
