is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
