i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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