Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
