She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
