I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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