i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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