I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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