At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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