i'm signing you up for texting rehab
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
