you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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