the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
