Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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