I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
