her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The ass gains better be worth it
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