Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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