I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
