i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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