I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
