Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
