...so i touched it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
