just come out here and I will go home with you...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
