You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ladies don't puke and tell
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
