I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
